Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
