this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
