well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
