just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
