I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
