I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
