I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
