A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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