She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
