Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
