hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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