Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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