You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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