Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How does one acquire holy water?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
