after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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