Your mouth is God's brothel.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
