Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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