Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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