this beer tastes like vomit already
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
