Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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