just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
