I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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