yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
