no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
