I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
