just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
