did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
