we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she pinky promised me she was 18
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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