This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
