It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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