why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
