yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
