And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
