my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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