the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
