He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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