see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
