The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
