when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
