dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
