True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
