So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
