sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
