Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Panties = found
Randomize
