he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
