So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
