Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
