I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
