wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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