am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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