you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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