this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We are two peas in an std pod
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
