You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
