Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
