i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
