so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
